by Sally Kingston
Management is grateful that you have yet to reach the phase in life where you intentionally deceive us for the pure pleasure of it. But that doesn’t mean you don’t lie. It just means you don’t realize you’re lying. For clarification, here are some things that House Management hears that are pretty much never true:
- I washed my hands.
- I flushed the toilet.
- I didn’t pee on the floor. At all.
- I’m listening.
- I’m not sleepy.
- I didn’t do that.
- I will share.
- One more minute, then I’ll go to bed without whining.
- If you let me watch one more episode, I’ll turn off the tv after that without whining.
- I’m not going to change my mind in two minutes about the very fair choice I just made and then have a hysterical tantrum that leads to you breaking your promise to yourself not to drink wine before 5:30 during the week.
To be fair, Management lies, too. But Management is aware of its lies, and only lies for your own good. For example:
- It’s 7:00! Bedtime. I don’t know why the little hand is still pointing to the 6, but it’s definitely bedtime. I promise.
- I have no idea what happened to your loud, obnoxious, battery-powered toy. You must have misplaced it. Yeah, I’m sad, too. It was an awesome toy.
- Sorry, buddy, the cookies are all gone.
- I don’t know who ate the last cookie. Maybe you did?
- I promise, if I buy more cookies, I will let you have one.
I guess we’re even, huh?