by Sally Kingston
House Management has noticed a recent trend in which Management makes a simple request and you respond by whining and throwing yourself on the ground or nearest piece of furniture. This is getting a little ridiculous, so Management thinks you need some perspective. Some of these requests are things which, generally, no one wants to do. That is why Management asks you to do them. Management would rather not do them herself. Other requests, however, do not necessitate whining. Whining about these tasks is absurd, and therefore, forbidden. Here is a handy list. Please consider printing it out and carrying it in your pocket, for convenient, pre-whining reference.
Things which are their own reward, so shut up and do them already
- Not wearing pants that are, or were recently, soaked with urine.
- Eating enough food to prevent low-blood-sugar hysteria resulting in self-inflicted personal injury (usually of the forehead/floor/tantrum variety).
- Wearing a jacket when it is below freezing outside.
- Not wearing a jacket when it is above 90 degrees outside.
- Sleeping past 6:30 am on a Saturday.
Upon your fifteenth birthday, we shall review this list. I predict you will be willing to change the title to “things that are awesome” or “the only things I am interested in doing, ever, shut up and go away mom.”