Milestones

by Sally Kingston

Before becoming House Management, the management team thought about what kinds of satisfying, memory-making milestones they could look forward to. Management fantasized about first words, first steps, first birthdays, first days of school. Management had no idea what the real milestones would be. House Management would like to commemorate several milestones the team has achieved in recent weeks.

  1. First expression of an understanding of the concept of time
  2. Ever since instituting a policy prohibiting screen time except on weekends, Management has had some form of this conversation EVERY DAY:

    • Is it the weekend?
    • No.
    • Will it be the weekend tomorrow?
    • No. It’s Monday.
    • Is it the weekend?
    • At this rate, the weekend will never happen.

    Today, Management experienced this GLORIOUS variation:

    • Mommy! Tomorrow is a weekday, right?
    • Yes. (astonished)
    • And then the next day is a weekend!
    • Holy Crap. You are right.
  3. First independent poop There are not sufficient words for the relief Management felt the first time you managed to string together sitting on the potty, pooping, wiping, flushing, and washing your hands with absolutely no assistance. To be fair, Management never quite realized before how many steps are involved in pooping. Thank you for mastering them all.
  4. First grocery-bag-car-puke Is there anything sweeter to the ear of a driving parent than the sound of a little voice saying “Mommy, I think I’m going to throw up”? Well, yes. Both silence and the siren song that is Ira Glass are sweeter. But compared to the sound of sudden horking all over the car? A thirty second puke warning is something I would nominate for a grammy. And last week, that is just what you did. I had enough time to throw a plastic bag at you and pull over into the nearest parking lot, which happened to be for a shady-ass pool hall that felt the need for MULTIPLE signs prohibiting concealed weapons and fighting. At least I know the sight of someone puking on the gravel in broad daylight isn’t shocking for them.
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