Sleeping, part II
by Sally Kingston
Although House Management operates 24 hours a day, the hours between 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. are considered to be limited service hours and should be used for emergency situations only. Recent infractions have prompted management to clarify what will and will not occur during limited service hours.
- No, you may not sleep in my bed. No, not even for a little while. No, I don’t believe you that you won’t put your toes in my face this time. You lie.
- Yes, you must stay in your room all night. You may not sleep in the hallway. You may not sleep in any of the cabinets, whether they are downstairs in the kitchen or upstairs in your bathroom. You may not sleep on the couch. That is where House Management drinks wine.
- I do not care if you sleep in your bed or not . Sleep on the floor, if you like. Sleep with most of your body on the floor, but one leg on the windowsill and one leg on your bed. Sleep curled up in your closet like a rodent. Sleep under your brother’s bed. Just stay in your room.
- DO. NOT. TOUCH. YOUR. BROTHER.
- I will bring you water if you request it politely. Water fetching is limited to one (1) request per child per evening. The water will arrive in a container of my choosing. That container will not be a shot glass, a wine glass, anything you left in the car, or anything that is technically a toy. If you reject the water because it is “too cold,” “not cold enough,” or in the wrong container, you lose water privileges for the evening. I will do my best not to dump the rejected water on your head, but I make no promises at 4 a.m.
- There will be no snacks during limited service hours. You are supposed to be sleeping. Yes, House Management is enjoying ice cream without you while you are sleeping and no, we will not share. We earned this. Get back in bed.