by Sally Kingston
Toothbrushes are exciting, but must be used properly. The following are some helpful guidelines.
- Toothbrushes may be used on teeth. This is encouraged.
- Toothbrushes may be used on your tongue, but carefully. If you gag yourself and throw up on my new carpet, you will lose toothbrush privileges and Mommy will brush your teeth for you. Repeated violations will result in use of the yucky grown-up toothpaste.
- Toothbrushes are not for use on the following body parts:
- Use of the toothbrush on any of the body parts listed above will result in confiscation of the toothbrush. If I could confiscate your penis, believe me, I would.
- Use of the toothbrush on your belly button is discouraged, but if you must, please use the end without bristles. Lord knows what is hiding in that canyon.